Yang Mi • Live Rationally in the Lively World

"When I was young, I always cared about the others' opinions.
But afterwards, I realise –
I am who I am."

I. Pareto Principle of Love

The interview was carried out on 16th February 2022, and just right that the Western Valentine's Day and Chinese's traditional Valentine's Day (Lantern Festival) had passed. And the day when this magazine issue is published, White Valentine's Day is coming too. So when we asked how Yang Mi would plan for this type of occasions, she admitted that: "If you are happy, everyday could be Valentine's Day. Although it sounds cliché, that's the idea. I am not really good at making plans but on 14th February, I gave 520 Yuan of red packet to not less than 5 girls."

*T/N 520 means "I love you".

And then, she pull out her phone and pointed to her chat history: "You see, she said she was moved. She even asked if she can post it on her feed. I said, just do it! I think giving red packet during any celebration is a very good method. Lovers or not, we all can give a red packet to express our wishes. Besides, no matter what, roses must be gifted too. If you don't buy fresh flowers, even the rose emoji works too. See, among the girls, we send rose emoji to each other (haha)."

It seems that Yang Mi's sense of ceremonial towards festivals/celebration are way simpler than what we imagined.

Then, for sure that Yang Mi's understanding and feelings of love are special too. Actually, on the Valentine's Day, there was a Weibo trending related to "She and Her Perfect Husband" (aka Pareto Principle of Love). What is Pareto Principle? It, also known as the 80/20 Rule is "a theory specifies that the most important portion of a matter only takes 20%, whereas the remaining 80% are subsidiary". So, what is most important 20% in love?

"It's sincerity. Sincerely being yourself, and treating people sincerely. Don't let suspicion drains the mutual relationship. The association among human needs tricks and strategies but sincerity is the best strategy for love.

The role of single female lawyer, Qin Shi that Yang Mi played in "She and Her Perfect Husband" only wished to pursue her career and was not willing to get into a love relationship. In response to this, Yang Mi showed her understanding. In her previous interview, she mentioned that "getting into a love relationship requires a high cost. It's better to just keep and raise a cat". Due to her shocking words, some netizens assumed that she has a pessimistic attitude towards love.

She said: "I am just stating the objective facts. Because it's true that for the youngsters now, the effort and commitment they put into the love relationship may not be equivalent to what they have gained. And, the risks are very high too. Hence, many people prefer to stay single. Because they know that the best love relationship is not draining each other but in fact, growing together."

Yang Mi compares staying in a love relationship as "looking at the mirror". When you are scrutinising the partner, they are scrutinising you too.

"As the intimate relationship progresses, many derivatives will emerge such as jealousy, possession, etc. These love habits are common but, in my opinion, the most important thing of loving someone is to give them an appropriate amount of personal space and respect their favourite/preferable lifestyle."

Just like the relationship of the main characters in "She and Her Perfect Husband", unlike the typical practice, they are "woman in charged of the outside, while man in charged of the domestic issues".

YM: "Qin Shi puts all her attention on her work, so her house is always in a mess because she is not good at doing house chores. However, Yang Hua will clean the house, even if he is drunk, he will responsively arrange Qin Shi's shoes. These are their ways of getting along with each other. A good love relationship will help someone to grow. After you grow, you will know how to love someone better."

II. Be the True Self

"Pareto Principle is so in love, as well as in everything." Taking the example of the daily life, what are the less important things?

"For example, those unnecessary/useless socialisation. Some people just don't know how to make a rejection. If someone broke up and ask for your companion, do you just have to go? If they are your best friends and you are free at that moment, then go. But if they are just randomly looking for someone to grumble about their problem, and even invite a group of people for drinking and sharing the negative emotions with each other, then it is not necessary. A group of people in a bad mood is basically a waste of time and meaningless. It has a very bad influence to one's mental health. Adults should have great control on their own emotion and respect the other's time."

Of course, a human will always have some upset moment, including Yang Mi. But her favourite and effective way of solution is to:

"Find a trusted friend and have a short call with them. Ask for their proper suggestions, which includes pointing out my mistakes. And not just ranting at your will and hating the world."

Indeed is the "living clear-headed". After chatting for a while, I (the editor) could feel more and more of her inner calm and optimism, which are shown on her answers too. For example, when asking about the question of "How to encounter a reliable person?"

She said: "Make yourself a reliable person first. Then, the rule of attraction will make the things and people around you be reliable too. It can be started by reducing unnecessary socialisation, purifying your own life, and the positive energies will lean and gather towards you."

Or the question of "How do you feel about your ability to empathise?"

She stated that: "If I'm acting a show, I will empathise with her and try my best to understand every reason behind her action. But for daily life, there are about 80% of things that I don't want to empathise with and understand, or not even bothering about them."

And just because of her not concerning about the irrelevant things, her condition now is increasingly relaxed.

She laughed and said: "When I was young, I always cared about others' opinions. Like, how should I behave? But afterwards, I realise that I am who I am. Others can just think about whatever they want. Because what people can see is just the 0.0002% of me."

When the conversation went till here, the staff nearby said that they really want to achieve Yang Mi's current state, which is be your true self, and do whatever they like everyday. Yang Mi immediately caught the main point and jokingly asked: "Does it mean that you are very unhappy now? Quickly share who made you unhappy?"

Her words made everyone laughed badly. The staff mentioned that they wished to be more confident.

Yang Mi said: "I don't really understand why many girls are not confident of themselves although they are already excellent and beautiful. At all times, they will first reflect on where they are not good enough. I really want to tell them that, never get PUA (gaslighted). Regardless in the love relationship or at work, the main thing to pay attention on is always your needs. Please put more effort and energy on yourself. Put down the extreme kind heart of wanting to save others. Before you want to understand/sympathise the others, please understand yourself first. When people grumble at you regarding their issues, you can always apply a facial mask first, cook a dessert, apply some hair oil, then just comfort them."

III. The Honest Her

Indeed, as what she said, love yourself is a lifetime practice. Regardless of Qin Shi, from "She and Her Perfect Husband", who wears colourful clothes or Xiao Yan, from "Thank You Doctor", who wears leather jacket and rides a big bike, both of them have similar distinctive personalities as Yang Mi. Besides that, their appearances also show that women should be their true self, love themselves, and not living under the public expectation and stereotypes for lawyers and doctors.

An hour long of conversation had not fully finished yet. During the conversation, there were much jokes and laughters. Yang Mi did not mind the type of questions being asked. Even if she was asked about the question of "Did you ever encounter the issue of 'being rushed for marriage' in real life as in your drama?", she could explain and talk in detailed. When we were out of topic and dragged her back to the main topic, she would raise her thumb and said: "You are good, you are good."

She would also ask: "What if we talk for half an hour but only 5 minutes of the contents can be used and written?"

To be honest, she is a great listener. She can always hit the main point and tell the truth. She is also not afraid of letting you know about her honest opinions. Just as what she said before, "extreme honesty is unbreakable".