InStyle April 2022 Issue
Reality is too hard, why not follow Yang Mi to fold the memories
People who have ever watched Yang Mi‘s variety show probably know that she has an excellent instant memory but people around Yang Mi know that she has a poor memory, she can't remember anything good or bad, she looks forward to the future rather than reminiscing about the past.
In Yang Mi's memory, life is one ongoing thing followed by another, and not an abstract feeling. All she has to do is to earnestly feel everything that is currently happening. The present moment will eventually become the past and the past will eventually disappear from memory.
01. Anticipate the Unknown
Yang Mi has a strong instant memory and is very sensitive to numbers. In "Takes a Real Man S2", when others were still face-blind not knowing how to differentiate the instructors, Yang Mi could call out not only the name of each instructor, but also their hometowns. In "Happy Camp", she could remember 16 random numbers in a minute. Meanwhile, in "Great Escape", only she could remember the contact number that appeared once in the opening scene.
Yang Mi's memory is not good. "My memory is getting worse", she says.
Once you ask her about the comparison between the present and the past, she will usually tell you that she can't remember how she used to think.
"It's not a disadvantage for me to have a poor memory. The reason why many people now have mental health issues is just because they remember too many things."
Yang Mi said, "I'm already like this now, the past or whatever is no longer important and relevant to me."
People are usually fond of reminiscing because people always feel more confident in facing a certain past than in facing an unknown future. "Because when people can't choose their future, they will cherish their right to choose their past. The touching thing about memories is that you can choose again, you can reassemble those unrelated past events, thus gaining a brand new past, and you can keep changing your combination in order to gain a different experience." This is how Yu Hua explains why people cherish their memories. But for Yang Mi, even if a poor memory will fade away the good old days, she has no regrets.
"No matter how good the past is, it has already passed, and I can always create a new wonderful one. I don't need to live by memories, what I need is to look forward to tomorrow's life."
When people ask her what she thinks about the new year, she always says she's looking forward to it. If asked in detail what she is looking forward to, she will tell you that it's the unknown that she is anticipating.
"I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I'm looking forward for tomorrow," she says, "It would be boring to know exactly what's going to happen tomorrow."
She loves her role as Qin Shi, an elite lawyer who knows exactly what she wants and what she wants to do since she was young.
"I think everyone should know what they want, and this is a very important thing. A lot of people clearly say I want to do this, I want to be this, but keep putting it off, and I think this is bad. I think when you think of doing something, you have to take action.", said Yang Mi.
She lately loves to sleep, sleeping 12 hours a day is not enough for her. But when it comes to early work schedules, Yang Mi only needs an alarm clock to wake up. And, even over the years, she hasn't changed her alarm clock sound. She is not immune to alarms, just as she is never late for work. Because of her poor memory, she rarely procrastinates.
"I have to do it if I think of it, otherwise I will forget."
02. Being Forgetful is a Great Skill
Yang Mi suggested to discuss some specific questions. The type of questions related to "understanding" or "ideas", all seem too vague, and it's too difficult to talk about.
A few days before the interview, it was snowing in Beijing and she went to walk her friend's Shiba Inu. The dog excitedly played in the snow, and within a few turns, the leash wrapped around Yang Mi. "Its paws even stepped on my feet. I'm okay with playing in the snow, but the dog was very enthusiastic about it."
Yang Mi’s weibo+oasis update 🗓 2022.02.13
— For Mì幂 [YangMi_杨幂] (@lie98988) February 13, 2022
『 The rope was gradually getting out of my control ❄️ 』
Apparently this dog is Zhang Dada's pet and YM took the dog for a walk in the snow 🐶#YangMi #杨幂
1/2 pic.twitter.com/HwEO2TnoAU
She once shared with the media about a bridge in Beijing, crescent-shaped and covered with colourful lights, like a rainbow over a river. She took a walk to see the bridge and stood on it to make a wish. She once showed the media three kittens in her phone, which are the stray cats she adopted during the filming of "Eternal Love", "Legend of Fu Yao" and "Storm Eye", active but also sensitive.
"Usually as people get older, their sensibility for life becomes dull. After all the different aspects of life that they have seen and experienced, they also have just gotten used to it. So, how do you remain your sensibility?"
"No," said Yang Mi, "I'm so forgetful that it's a good skill for me, and a particularly good thing too. This way I often have a fresh feeling but I will also forget some of the things I have experienced."
If she experiences some down moment, she will think of her family — parents, and grandparents.
"Just like 80/20 rule, eighty percent of the people in your life may not be important to you, only twenty percent are important to you. Your loved ones are the most important to you. Meanwhile, the remaining eighty percent (of people) may do whatever they like, and I don't think it matters to me."
This kind of "never mind" is Yang Mi's tolerant attitude towards the outside world. When she appeared on the show "U Can U Bibi", she advised everyone not to make judgments easily: young people nowadays are not that simple, there must be something complicated and sensitive deep in their hearts, but they do not need to explain to others.
"Now I observe more of my surroundings, and I'm probably more tolerant. I used to be a little sharper and more competitive." Yang Mi said, "If you are expressing/confronting to me, I am willing to understand. You can do whatever you want, I understand. Actually, I know that most of others' choices have nothing to do with me. I don't need to judge others."
It is true that "can't remember" is also a sincere and firm rejection in human interaction. What has been said is all true, but the truth is not all said. Yang Mi thinks thoroughly that not all things must be confessed.
"You are not obligated to let others get to know the complete you, nor you need to know the others completely. From the time you go to school, you may have something to say to your teachers and parents and something not to say. No one will be 100% honest, so why should you be 100% honest. Even in intimate relationships, I think it is a good thing not to be 100% honest, but I will try to be honest with myself."
At the end of the interview, Yang Mi talked about a friend of hers who, due to the bad impacts from their family, has been very excellent but with low self-esteem for many years. When we asked her if she would help her friend reflect on her family background, she said that's not the ideal way, "You suppose to protect her. A lot of things are not formed in a day, it is up to her to realise slowly that it is the their own tasks. There are things that I think are wrong, but maybe that is someone else's comfort zone. So, I'll only offer a little advice, but in the end, it is their choice on what to do."
03. Q&A
Q: You liked Qin Shi's cuteness when you played "She and Her Perfect Husband", and you also thought Yang Mi at the moment was cute. Can you describe that kind of cuteness?
A: The "quirky" kind of cuteness, the kind that can communicate flexibly (talk different things to different people). (Do you wish you were cuter?) I hope to have more of that kind of lively cuteness, talking clearly and doing things nicely, and not being tortured by life until fully exhausted.
Q: How do you stay honest all these years?
A: I try to be as honest as possible, and I also hope that when I speak, everyone can understand. I think that everyone's time is quite valuable and hard, so let's be straightforward about what's going on. I even think that no matter in the work, or in the relationship between people, quarrels are not necessarily bad, there must be conflicts to resolve. As an adult, at least speak the words that can make everyone understand.
I just can't understand some people's talk, they just never go straight to the point. I think speaking straightforwardly is one thing that saves time and increases efficiency. If the result of straightforwardness is beyond expectation, I'm OK with it.
Q: What do you think of Qin Shi's famous line, "I don't believe that unstable hormones can create stable legal relationships"?
A: It makes sense, but it can't be a definite conclusion. The part that makes sense is that she says that marital relationships are unstable, but there are many people, like my parents, who have also gotten along over the years and become family.
Q: You said before that you like the bravery of Fang Hai Shi in "Novoland: Pearl Eclipse" because her life is in hard mode from the beginning, while you may avoid the hard mode. Is hard mode predictable?
A: It is actually unpredictable, but for Hai Shi, she grew up with only this one path, so this is how she chose it. It is a tough journey, especially when the people she likes is so far away from her.
Q: Is it really possible to avoid hard mode?
A: I think it's possible. For example, you can avoid the hard mode by lying down at home every day. (laughs)
Q: But you can't actually lay at home every day.
A: That's right. So, my life is not in easy mode too. Instead, my life is probably in hard mode as well. I feel like I'm going through what I should be going through, and I've been experiencing both difficulties and good things. I don't want something troublesome to happen, but now I think it's OK if it happens. I'll just solve it.
Q: You mentioned in the show "U Can U Bibi" that tripping and falling (making mistakes) is something that you've encountered many times. What is considered as tripping and falling for you?
A: Speaking of these now, it's easy to criticise and think that those are not considered as a fall. But at the time when I was going through it, I definitely felt that it was hard to death.
The pressure of public opinion is more or less there, but now for me, the difficulties have been so detailed as to wake up early, or cannot eat. I've been getting great sleep lately, going to bed at 12am and probably will not wake up at 12pm the next day. If you give me more time, I can still go back to sleep.
Q: Is it your family that has developed your character?
A: Our family is protective, only I can scold my daughter, others cannot scold, my child does everything right. So, sometimes I am somehow confident until having the thought of I just want to be like this, my dad doesn't even scold me, how can you scold me?
My kind of character at least will not be PUA (gaslighted). What you cannot do, then your whole family cannot too. This can never happen to me. You can scold me, but I do not agree. I listen but I do not accept. I do not take it into my heart.
A: When I see the results at the moment, I will think if I can do better today. For example, during the day, you feel that you did an okay job, but at night when you go to bed and think, this thing should be able to do better. But that's about it. At most, you can say it again on the next day and it's over. This is the frustration for me, but if I really did not do a good job, it's fine because I can't do anything more about it. Let's improve for the next time.
Behind the Scenes Photos
