19 Oct 2018 | Yang Mi weibo update when her movie 《Baby》(宝贝儿) was premiered
– written by Yang Mi
This
is my second time lifting a pen and wanting to write something for the movie I
casted in and the role I played. The first time was for a blind girl who lost
her family and vision at the same time but was still persistent and determined.
Then, this time it's for Jiang Meng (江萌) from 《Baby》, a janitor who is
abandoned by her parents when she was just born due to her disability, yet she
is still trying hard to live like a healthy and normal person. When she saw a
baby in the hospital, who suffers from the same disease as her and got to know
that her parents want to give up on curing her, she started to use a very
stubborn and extreme way trying to save this life...
I
used to say that I’m a person who doesn’t know how to analyse and explain my
own movie. Either the meaning of the story, the personality of the character or
the acting way, I will not take the initiative to talk about them. This is
because I always think that no matter how interesting I explain the story, if
the audience are not touched after watching your performance, then, every of
these talks is just hollow and hypocritical. Right now, I still think like the
same way, and I am more likely to pass it to the audience for commenting. I
also think that you guys are the most rightful person to give the comments.
However,
《Baby》is very special, it’s
a story which talks about the current living condition of the disabled orphans.
It is oppressive yet the reality. It lets me think more about the life and the
world. But for Jiang Meng, although she has inborn defects, looks like she is
very lonely and helpless, personally, I think she is a brave person – who dares
to face the storm in the reality, stick to her pure heart when bearing with the
burden, has unlimited bravery although her life is fated to be a mishap. In my
heart, this movie is truly a ray of light, even though it might not be that
strong enough or it is weak, it still can brighten up one of the corners of
this realistic society and let more people to pay attention on the marginalised
group of people. And later, brings some possible changes.
So,
for this kind of movie and character, I want to share with you guys about those
stuff which touched my heart before. These are some of the memory pieces about
the behind of the production, maybe it’s very trivial but I hope and glad that
you all for willing to listen to me:
“The gap between the fairy tales and reality is too wide. If the child deeply believes in fairy tales, then, when she is going to step into the reality, will she be hit by a heavy strike and doubt about her life? However, if you tell her the truth of this world from the early of the beginning, will it be too harsh?”
I
don’t know whether every parent will have this kind of worry before, but when I
step into the new stage of my life, I will always have this kind of worry ー When the new life
comes, what should I give her? How should I do so that it’s right? No matter
how I have thought about it, it’s forever liked an unsolved question.
While
holding this unsolved question in my heart, I met Director Liu Jie (刘杰), a director who is
forever paying attention on the reality, forever walking to the opposite side
of fairy tales. From him, I got to know about a story which had been planned
for 9 years, a story that is about a disabled orphan who is trying hard to
survive in the society and try to save a disabled baby who has given up by her
parents. Also from him, I knew that the defects rate in our country is around
5.6% in which there are about one million of disabled born every year. However,
the problems that are encountered by this huge group of people such as medical
survival issues and abandonment issues are not understood by most of the
people.
I
asked him: “You want to film this movie, is it because you hope to give a
solution for this issue?”
He
said: “I had done the research and interviews for so many years, I realised
that I couldn't find any solution for these questions. So, I want to film my
confusion into a movie. However, I believe that when more people get to
understand these situations, there will be more people who want to change, and
the situations will become better.”
When
I heard of this answer, I suddenly realised there’s an answer popping out for
the unsolved question in my heart too. No matter how wonderful the fairy tales
is, how cruel the reality is, if you don’t want to let the new life feels
disappointed when facing the world, the only thing you can do is pushing the
reality to a good side. This makes me to decide to take some actions when there’s
a chance. So, when the director asked me, am I willing to film this movie, my
reply is: “Of course! It is my honour to be able to cast in this kind of
meaningful movie.”
The
first time filming a realistic genre movie, my excitement and enthusiasm are
hard to be controlled. I have prepared a lot to understand the role. However,
besides suggesting me to watch some foreign art movies and reminded me to only
sense the emotion and not to learn any of the actors’ acting, he didn’t give me
any hints anymore. Then, the director is always used to start filming the movie
under the condition in which there was no complete script written, this is what
I have known from the start. So, under the condition in which I didn't receive
the script (there's no script at all throughout the whole filming of the
movie), and only know the outline of the story, and didn't even know the
relationship of Jiang Meng with the other main characters, I joined the set
with doubts and confusions.
After
entering the set, the director didn’t start filming directly. Instead, he
brought me to walk around in the places that were related to Jiang Meng. We
went to the orphanage, visited the disabled kids, and chatted with them about
their daily lives. In the hospital, we entered the ICU wads, listened to the
nurse telling us about what kind of diseases are the babies in the incubators
suffered from, and what were the reactions of their parents. Then, the director
gave me a piece of clothes which costed around 100+ RMB, asked me not to comb
my but to keep my messy hair and bare face. And I followed him to walk around
in the villages. We walked on the streets, shopped in the agricultural market,
and groceries markets. He gave me a task and requested me to buy stuff. Then,
he would stand aside and observed if there was anyone recognising me. I wanted
to discuss with him about the character, Jiang Meng but he wasn't hurried at all,
and he also didn't tell me who to observe in the surrounding so that it could
help in my acting. He only said that you need to try your best to fit into the
surrounding naturally.
For
this kind of plan, at first, I would be a bit careful but slowly I realised
that if I didn’t have any complicated thoughts and intentions, and use the most
natural way to fit into the crowd. Then, there is no burden anymore. Although I
was in the crowded market, there was no one who would think that I was an “outsider”
again. Until this time, the director was just satisfied and said: “What I want
is just you being like this, quietly calm your heart down, fully enter the
surrounding of the story, then you can just truly understand the character.”
The
first level was passed, but the challenge just started. To find the more
realistic condition for Jiang Meng, the director kept giving me new requests.
After finished filming the first scene of the movie, he said, let us use Nan
Jing dialect (南京话)
for the whole filming progress. I will hire a Nan Jing dialect teacher for you.
To achieve the director’s request, I started to communicate with the teacher by
using Nan Jing dialect at anytime, anywhere. Even after finished working, I would
turn on the Nan Jing dialect radio and create an atmosphere that was fully
surrounded with the dialect for myself.
When
Lee Hong Chi (李鸿其)
entered the set, director said the role that Hong Chi played is a deaf and
mute. You can start learning sign languages now. So, in the set, besides
discussing on how to make the lines better and smoother, and the acting way
with everyone, learned and remembered the sign language also became a task.
Acting + Nan Jing dialect + Sign language, when these 3 types of requests were
overlayered and used together, it was a huge challenge for an actor because I not
only had to use the character’s emotion to enter the story, but also must keep
a part of consciousness to make sure that my Nan Jing dialect was almost
accurate and the sign languages used were not wrong.
Luckily,
the director and the crew gave me the highest tolerance, never rushed after me,
let me to keep familiarising them until Nan Jing dialect and sign languages became
a part of the communication ways in Jiang Meng's life.
After
the “technical” skills problems were overcome, truly let go of Yang Mi, seek
for Jiang Meng, and become Jiang Meng, became the most difficult topic of me every
day. Director said: “I don’t want you to act, I want you to become Jiang Meng,
everything must be the most realistic reaction.” As there’s no script, every
day the first thing that I had to do when I reached the set was listening to
the director describing what will happen on that day. Everyone would discuss
together about the specific lines and relationship between the characters. The
question that director asked me the most is: “You are Jiang Meng, what do you
think you will say?” This kind of creation gave the actors the biggest freedom
as we could use our understanding to fully portray the role but at the same
time it was a double-edged sword. This is because we always couldn’t judge if the
propriety of our performance was suitable or not, did the condition that we
want to portray really reach "realistic and can be believed."
However, director would never tell me whether my acting should be more hold in or put out. He would only keep discussing the character’s thought and condition with me and when he was not satisfied, he would say: “Right now, you are still acting”. This was a process which I had to break myself into pieces and build up Jiang Meng’s mentality and behaviours. There was no shortcut in this progress, I only could continuously try and blend, keep aborting the wrong condition, topple and build up again to make it. So, I was used to start with the easiest walking scene, filmed for ten or twenty times, tried to use different way to bring up and express my feeling, and also got used to change different filming places, lines for a similar scene, and figured out things while still filming.
In
this progress, director didn’t give me any encouragement. To be honest, as an
actress, when every time you truly brought up your emotion and finished a scene,
but you couldn’t receive the direct response from the director, it was very
hard for you not to fall into disappointment and self-doubt. Luckily, by using
the words of the director, I’m quite tough/perseverant (sometimes I only act
like I'm quite tough, laugh ~) , I could quickly hide my disappointment,
continued to find the new condition, continued...... continued...... until we
decided Jiang Meng’s ill and stubborn way of walking, until we found out the
stubborn condition of Jiang Meng who always looked into people's eyes when
talking, until I would keep repeating the same line to emphasise on Jiang
Meng's request, until I truly found Jiang Meng, became Jiang Meng, until
director cried when watching my acting......
Although in the end to make the whole movie to remain calm and restrained, director cut out all the scenes that made him cried, but for me, at that time, his reaction gave me relief and confidence. After that, director said, when I truly found Jiang Meng and became her, he was pleased with me no matter how because whatever scene or currently happening story were given to me, all my reactions were right, this was just called as realistic.
However,
I’m very clear that in the whole finding progress, I was not fighting alone,
director, the casts and the crew spent their time and patience to give me the
best surrounding to nurture Jiang Meng. As an actress, it was indeed the most
comfortable and happiest thing to be able to assuredly pass myself to this kind
of team which doesn't mind on the style, complete the work seriously, and work
hard just to film a good project. So, although I always jokingly teased the
director and said that he was unreliable as he kept toppling his own
thoughts/opinions, in my heart, I’m deeply grateful to everyone, thank you
everyone for willing to believe me, and give me a totally different filming
experience.
Lastly, let’s talk about Jiang Meng, this girl who has inborn defects but tries hard to live as a normal person. She is very stubborn and single-minded. May be when watching the movie, you will not really like her because the way she differentiates the black and white will make most of the people who know how to accommodate to the circumstances feel embarrassed and even annoyed. But I like her simplicity very much, that kind of power she holds is very valuable – in which she is willing to put herself into the storm of reality for the lives and the things she thinks are right. May be in our life, every one of us is Jiang Meng, we couldn’t change much when encountering the complicated reality, but I think that the heart, in which we try our best to protect the things that we think should be protected, should not be thrown away. Since except changing, there's nothing couldn't be changed, why don’t we use our power to let the reality become more wonderful?